Last week, a friend contacted me to ask for words of encouragement for a man she knew, whose wife was battling cancer. His wife was scheduled for surgery the following day and he was understandably very anxious. She asked for uplifting words to keep him positive through this episode. I hope you will find these words to be uplifting for you in your time of trials.
“At times like this, people often say that everything happens for a reason or that what happens is God’s will, or God doesn’t give us any more than we can handle. I don’t subscribe to any of these philosophies. People say these things to each other in times of hurt, because they have an irresistible urge to comfort and soothe, but overwhelmed with a deep sense of helplessness. And in a moment that screams for some sort of an explanation, this is how we soothe those we love. But all those sentiments don’t make these statements any truer than telling our children that Santa will come in the middle of the night, on one night of the year, to reward them for their good behavior.
It is not God’s will that we suffer in any way. In fact, God wants us to have life and Peace. So much so that he even offers us eternal life. There is no reason or rhyme for suffering. If in fact all things happen for a reason, the only reason for suffering and pain is to rob us of God’s will for us to experience a life filled with meaning and purpose. And God does give us more than we can handle to help us grow. I heard someone say recently that our muscles will only grow as big as the resistance will allow them to grow. If you lift a 30 lb. weight all the time, your muscles will only grow enough to lift that 30 lb. weight efficiently. In order to grow that muscle, you have to lift heavier and heavier weights. If God is involved in our lives, as we hope, I think he would give us more than we can handle and push us to our limits so that we can grow deeper. But I think there are so many other ways to help us grow than making us watch our loved ones suffer or suffer ourselves to that degree.
Like you, I am in the position of watching a loved one, who was once vibrant and full of life, energy and charisma being slowly reduced by a horrible disease or condition to a mere shell of their formal selves. My father had triple by-pass surgery in April or May of 2010. During the surgery, my dad suffered an embolism which led to a stroke. He hasn’t been the same since. And today, he is bed ridden and catatonic. It is hard to watch someone who inspired you for so long, someone whom you’ve loved all your life, be reduced to mere flesh and bones.
So how do we respond to these situations? Sometimes, things just happen to people, through no fault of their own. Your wife and so many others are forced to do battle cancer, my dad suffering an embolism and stroke during heart surgery. There is no purpose for these events. We live in a very complex society where we live with 7 billion other people all of whom are dealing with problems related to their health, family, and self. We make choices that not only affect us and others, even those who live on the other side of the planet. Governments, corporations, institutions, individuals, all make decisions that affect everyone else, well intended or not. Part of the price we pay of living in this complex society is sometimes manifested in pain and suffering; wars, man-made diseases, hunger, poverty, injustices, etc. Despite all of God’s will and effort, we bring so much pain and suffering on each other and ourselves.
But the good news is that God is present and is at work around us. After 9/11 people were asking where God was during these events. A lot of people lost their faith that day and in the weeks that followed. They lost their faith because they wanted to see God on their own terms; stopping planes in mid-air, catching people as they fell from the buildings, and punishing terrorists. God was there alright. He was with those who were suffering, with those who were heartbroken and grieving over loved ones lost. In fact, God is always present with us, and we often see him in the darkest hours of our lives.
King David of the Old Testament wrote “Yea, tho I walk thru the valley of the shadow of death, I will not fear for Thou art with me. Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.” It is thought that David wrote this psalm when he was on the run from his own son Absalom who wanted to kill David to capture the throne. This psalm shows not only the pain and anguish of having to defend himself from his own son but the resolve David had. Although he did not understand why this was happening, he knew that he was not alone. And in the end, that was enough to sustain him. Here is the whole psalm:
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil; For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life; And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
I hope these words will comfort you, not so much by giving you reasons or even understanding. Just like it did for David, I wish that his word will bring you comfort in knowing that you are not alone, and more importantly, your wife is not alone, your son is not alone. We are not alone. Not only is God with you, God’s people are with you as well. There are so many praying for you and your family. You are not alone.”
A Promethean Dialogue 