Happy St. Patrick’s Day!
A few days from Palm Sunday, heading into Passion Week let’s turn our attention to forgiveness; a necessary and vital component of our existence. Suffice it to say that without forgiveness, we would NEVER experience peace. It is so critical to our survival like food and water that it’s a wonder why we don’t obsess about like we do what we eat or what we drink.
Forgiveness is what makes relationships at its most basic level possible. Hence, one could make a very strong argument that the concept of forgiveness is what made civilization possible. Forgiveness at some level, paved the way for people to look past differences, grievances and conflicts to see the benefits of building communities for protection and mutual profit. Look at what wild animals do. If you’re a lion or lioness, caught in another pride’s territory… it’s kill or be killed. It’s that simple. Understanding strength in numbers, early nomadic tribes became communities, cities, and eventually states.
Admittedly, laws played a huge role in maintaining peace in these communities. But let’s not forget that laws were basically rules of engagement for the sake of protection, even today. So in the bible we read…
“Now suppose two men are fighting, and in the process they accidentally strike a pregnant woman so she gives birth prematurely. If no further injury results, the man who struck the woman must pay the amount of compensation the woman’s husband demands and the judges approve. But if there is further injury, the punishment must match the injury: a life for a life, an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a hand for a hand, a foot for a foot, a burn for a burn, a wound for a wound, a bruise for a bruise.” Exodus 21:22-25
The law’s function and purpose is to encourage equanimity, provide protection, and restore balance and justice. It’s need is established by the fact that if left up to our own devices we would extract MORE than an eye or a tooth, inflict MORE than the number of burns, wounds and bruises we suffer. If we were the cause of others’ suffering, the law would protect us from revenge that would leave us with no eyes, no teeth, etc. etc. In short, the law forces us to practice constraint as the wounded and as a perpetrator.
Underlying all of this is forgiveness. The offended must legally forgive the offender beyond the compensation allowed by the law. Imagine what the world would be like without forgiveness even at this, most basic, level. None of us would be here. If we were, we would all be blind and toothless.
But while laws protect us from others and they from us, there are no laws unfortunately that protect us from… ourselves. Isn’t that ironic? There is this assumption that we don’t need protection from ourselves. This is not true. I can understand the difficulty with such laws. How would they even be enforced? Here’s what I’m getting at. People are ugly to each other yes. But some of the worst offense done to a person is what we do to ourselves. We forgive others, but have a hard time forgiving ourselves.
What bothers me sometimes about spirituality is the understanding that it helps us to forgive others. While that is all true, it’s not the complete picture of spirituality. The saying is ‘love your neighbor AS you love yourself.’ This can be taken two ways.
One, it implies that you love yourself already (not narcissistically, but in a ‘healthy self image’ way), in which case, forgiving yourself shouldn’t be a problem apart from the occasional self loathing or criticism. Generally, you are good to yourself and can move on from a minor infraction. Two, you are growing in your love of yourself. So while you’re not quite good at forgiving yourself yet, you’re on your way. Either way, you’re supposed to love yourself, which means forgiving yourself as you forgive others.
What does it mean when you ‘feel’ you can’t accept others’ forgiveness or forgive your self? Well this could mean that you’re really proud of your unworthiness. Declaring that you’re TOO unworthy to receive or accept forgiveness of any kind puts you in a category entirely unto yourself (and others like yourself). This is a very, very special category! Why, there must’ve been only a hundred or so people like you in all of history! It’s an exclusive group so special that forgiveness doesn’t apply to you. Honey/bro, no one is THAT special. Come down from your tower and grace us lowly, humble people with your presence.
There is some sick sense of prestige that comes from thinking we’re so unworthy. No offender is worthy of forgiveness. But it is given so that there may be peace. And when given, the only reasonable and rational response is to accept the grace offered to you. Receiving grace for ourselves is where it starts if we are to ever offer it to others. As we head into Passion week keep in mind that it is forgiveness that we’re after. Forgiveness in our families, our relationships, our politics, our culture, and forgiveness for our… Peace.
A Promethean Dialogue 